dreams

dreamt of bengkhai last night. it was after I woke up to pray subuh. I woke up abt 5.37am cause I have a massive stomach ache and then i had diarrhea and shit (literally) -.- slept back afterwards and now I am awake after such a happy dream.

dreamt that both you and my mum passed away. it was for quite a while. but you guys said it was the first or second day of your death. you guys said that you had to sell your soul for loneliness for two weeks for you to come back. I said come back more often. you guys said you couldn't because it was only for the first week of your death. we cried so badly that even my eyes for some reason appear to be swollen when I woke up this mrng.

ibu died and came back. we spent time tgt as a family and we were all so so happy. then she had to go back. I begged her to stay. she said she could for a while longer, but only if we closed our front door. so I did. and suddenly there was smtg that hit our window and everything smashed. for some weird reason dyana was there and she said that she'll take care of it. then she I dunnow because some card captor Sakura?! -____- I dunnow. okay after that my mum fell asleep. none of us woke her up because it meant she could stay here longer, even though she wasn't conscious. being a light sleeper that she is, she woke up the very second I opened her bedroom door. she said she had to go and she loved us all very much. we couldn't let her go, but we had to.

bengkhai was wearing his orange tiger shirt. and his bowling pants. he wasn't botak like last year. he looked.. good. he came and for some reason I was with rodson. we both saw him and we hugged. I hugged him for so long with tears streaming down my cheeks. we took pictures as proof that he came back. he didn't want to at first, but we did eventually. we took lots of pictures. he then had to leave. before he left, I hugged him from behind and said 'I love you too.' he smiled. he knew it wasn't the kind of love he had hoped for from me. he knew it was the kind of best friend love. that strong connection we shared and will always have. he teared and said 'thank you. now I finally know.' I cried even more. and then he left.

I loved these dreams. that's why immediately I blogged them down so I wouldn't forget anything at all.

I miss you so much bengkhai.

I love you mummy. I know I dreamt of you dying but it only means that you're gna have a long life. I love you.