surprises

so someone dedicated a blog post for me. it has been ages since that happened and it rlly came as a surprise to me, especially at this point of time. when I read his dedication, it literally made my heart beat fluctuate and I can't rmbr the last time it pumped so hard and so fast that I could feel it at my throat. what he said was sweet and really touching but at the same time it also caused me even more confusion than what I had hoped to distinguish. 

you see, about a month ago, I started developing feelings for a certain boy. literally, a boy. one who is two years younger (actually more if you count the months and that would make it 2 years and 3 months). we had been friends for quite a while and many things happened in between that made our friendship very, very different from all my other friendships. cutting the story short: we both liked each other but I don't know what happened that made us not speak till sometime this year.

I had standards, a lot of which have been disregarded due to the oh so famous emotion: love. now I don't know if I love him like how I had loved my previous boyfriends nor do I know that I don't love him. the thing with him is that, he makes me really comfortable and I honestly nvr hid anything of myself from him at all. it's really rare because me being some sort of a "perfectionist", I can't stand the fact of someone seeing me before I've done up my hair, washed my face or just when I really just don't want to be seen. but for some reason, I let him see almost all my flaws and how horrible I'm capable of being. there rlly is chemistry between us and we're like... in sync. 

here comes the hard part. I can't read him. one minute he's so sweet and another minute he's as tough as nails. he can stay up to wake me up and accompany me but he can also do the same for others. he can always be online to reply my texts but he can also ignore my texts for hours. he has plenty of friends, many of which are attractive and are quite the catch, and he is very close and open to them. he says things that were once very special to me to almost everyone else. we are different, so very different. I don't think I'm the kind that says "I love you" to my guy friends no matter how close we r. when I really like someone, I mean it and it's difficult to detach myself from that person, even though I can be considered clingy. I'm not as outgoing as him nor am I widely liked like him. so how is it possible for two people who are so different to have feelings for one another?

I tried letting him go, I did almost everything necessary to forget him. why is it so difficult for me to let go something that isn't even mine?

I don't know whether this is love, but I sure as hell (definitely not fickle nor indecisive) know who my heart is with. you, wnf.