42nd singapore nationals

youth masters.

open masters

-

so nationals is finally over and done with. very disappointed with my performance there. ended up 8th for both youth and open masters. up until now, i still cant get over it.

i train hard but maybe i'm not trng smartly. everyone says quality beats quantity. what if you have and did both? there's just nothing i can do right at the moment. all i do is just waste my parents and my own money and disappoint everyone in this world who had such high hopes on me. i dont know when i'll ever stop being such a disappointment. the whole of my 17 yrs of living and there's probably not one day where i fail to not disappoint.

there's gna be another competition on the 10th of december. that's like, barely two weeks from now. i have so much to improve on, you have no idea. my timing is shit, my spares are even worse. i dont understand what's wrong with me. my confidence in my spares have gone down the drain ever since PBAP. i cant spare confidently anymore and every time i see a pin 10 stand, i shake. its as though i've seen a ghost. this has gotten the best of myself and i'm so sad to say that i dont know how to overcome this. its not like its my first time competing. its also not as though its my first time bowling or picking up spares. if i can do it so well during trng, whats so hard abt doing the exact same thing during competition? i'm so flabbergasted. i'm just a waste of earth's natural resources like oxygen and everything.

kill me.